Facebook - social network this!

Rant anybody? Don’t mind if I do!

Well there’s one thing that grinds my gears. One thing that deserves a rant. As blackula weather man, Ollie Williams, would say: “he gone get it!”

Class is in. Facebook – you’re my bitch today.

Now I don’t mind Facebook, in fact I quite like it. Facebook has seemed to illustrate normal world trends and really is quite a good sociological experiment. It took off in North America, followed closely by the UK. It took a few more months before my mates in Australia signed up and now I’m getting some people from South America. It has proven what music, movies and fashion has shown time and time again - a world wide trend line has a set path. So I will give it that.

Further, if someone is having a bad day – you can tell. Watch for that person who has commented on 25 photos and uploaded 6 albums on one day. Give that person a call – they’re having a bad day and want some love. And if you send them an email or write on their wall, I guarantee you’ll make there day. It’s a good ego boost.

But there are several things that annoy me about it.

Facebook should not be used at work. Once you start tagging, downloading, changing your status and updating your events, it gets so addictive that it’s 6pm, you’ve got no work done.

Maybe that is what I should change my status to – Bart is swamped. Brings me on to the next point – the wit of your status. People try to use their status bar to show how witty they are, how funny, how amazing. Here's a fact for you - no one cares how intriguing your status is. If you are sitting there trying to think something up, your status should be: 'so and so is bored'. Or 'so and so is wondering what to do with their time'. But if you are wondering what to do with your time, how about you become a pirate... but for fuck sake don't ask!

If I get one more of those invitations I’ll scream. I don’t want to be a pirate, vampire, werewolf, ninja and everything else you send me. I also don’t want to play Texas Hold Em, Scrabble, Poker, throwing a Frisbee, knowing my movie choices and I really don’t care how alike we are judged by an electronic formula that asks 10 questions and why the fuck are you positing a shitty drawing on my 'superwall'.

Facebook has also destroyed any meaning of who you choose to be your good friends – everyone is your damn top friend. Friends have lost all meaning in this cyber popularity contest. There was a time when sending someone a kiss was special, now you get kisses, hugs, spat at, hit with a sheep, bought a beer and can have a bear thrown at you. Some people believe that others are thinking about them: no they're not! They've been sent something and have forwarded it. And then damn strangers do it to you and you spend 2 hours trying to to figure out who the fuck they are???

But the number one bug bear is people you used to know, vaguely, stalking you. If I wanted to stay in touch with you, I would have. And people take it personally if you don’t accept them as a friend. There are many reasons, ranging from you can’t remember them, to you weren’t that good friends in the first place, to - now read closely - you do actually want to accept them as your friend but you don’t want to see if they all of a sudden change their relationship status to ‘in a relationship’ and then you are alerted when someone leaves a message on their wall saying ‘last night was fantastic, when can I see you again’ so you sit there staring at the screen having an internal battle as whether to accept them as a friend after you’ve ignored them once already and deleted the request as you’re not quite ready to see those intricate detail of their love life just yet…or something like that. So if your friendship hasn't been accepted, take a step back and think there may be a reason that isn't your fault. But that’s from the side of someone who doesn’t want to see others actions…then there are the stalkers. I have actually had someone have a go at me for going out one night, which someone tagged me in a photo, because I didn't care to go out with them on the same night - stalking!!!

Tagging also! No I don't want my parents to see me running nude through some strange hostel. No I don't want that picture of me dressed as a smurf to be made available to everyone. Chances are if it is a shit photo, you'll be tagged. Well that's about it really, not much more on facebook.

Next - rugby. After a tournament full of surprises it was with great joy that the the world's worst team to watch was beaten by the world's 'best' blokes in the world's worst final. Oh my lord what a stinker that turned out to be. But all in all, I was glad South Africa won. It's about time that English rugby realised that rugby is a game involving hands - not simply kicking. And at least South Africa thought they'd win. A week before the final, England ran out of jerseys for the fans. You know why? The board of England Rugby didn't even think they'd make the semis!!!! They even came out and said it - that must be a confidence boost.

The Springboks didn't even have a chance to fuck you, your defeatism did that before the game even started!

We've got two World Cups - we wouldn't want to be greedy

So Australia is out of the World Cup. Bit of a bummer, but what’s worse is being pushed out by that spastic sporting power of the world - England - and now having to deal with them all!!!!! Now I don’t mind losing, I really don’t. Being Australian it’s not something we often see, but there you go. What I don’t like is being dragged down to the shit level played by England, the world’s most boring rugby team. As the tale goes William Ellis was playing football one day and decided to pick up the ball and run with it – and 184 years later English rugby has decided to return to its routes and do nothing but kick the ball. All you do is kick it. It's the most boring style of sport anyone has ever seen!

Latest English rugby recruit had all the appropriate skills needed

But good on you my pasty ancestors. May I say one thing? If you are English, have a go. Come right ahead. But don’t give up just yet. How can you be so excited when you haven’t actually won the World Cup – YOU WON A SEMI FINAL?? That’s the most bizarre thing - you haven’t actually won anything yet. A country of your size, proud history and talent, maybe rather than celebrating being able to make it in to a final, go for victory. You might actually win a trophy.

What I can’t stand are those that never actually succeed, having a stab at us being knocked out. To you I say this:

South Africa – ha, wouldn’t waste my time. In annuals of history you truly are Australia's whipping boy. World Cup and World Cup - in sooo many different sports - never has a country been beaten by us so many times. South Africa loves to play the role of our bridesmaid.

Face down in front of an Aussie - a South African pastime

New Zealand – ohhh, our little brothers can actually do something on a world stage. Oops, sorry my bad. Fiji, Tonga, Solomon Islands and the rest of the Pacific islands can actually do something. Seriously guys, the day you have a player in your team that is actually from New Zealand, I’ll give you some respect. No wonder you win, you’re a team made up of 12 countries. Fuck, you can’t even get your own flag. You just saw the Aussie one and said: “Um, hey bro, let’s just colour those stars in red bro. Bro.”And another thing, why does every kiwi need to wear a t-shirt that says ‘I call NZ home’. Its not that we don’t know where you’re from, we just don’t care. But hey, you lost anyway. At least we've got cricket. What on God's green earth do you have now? Four more years boys. Four more years.

Put your hands up for Detroit!

So after walking home from the pub I copped all manner of abuse from every second person. So I got home and went to bed…it was 5pm. The last time I felt this way was the end of the 2003 World Cup. I don’t think I spoke for three days after – Naomi was in heaven. Although Coomba being told by a homeless man that we got beaten in rugby had to be the best. Even the homeless were having a laugh. So with all that, it is with great thought I could seriously consider going home, as I don’t think I can deal with this shit. What a good segue to another goodbye.

Good old Care Bear – Carrie Bailey. There are some people that you just connect with, some people that you just get, some people that you may not speak to for months but when you see each other, it’s as if no time has passed. It’s quiet refreshing when you meet someone like that. Pisses everyone else off that they had no idea what we were laughing at when we didn't have to speak to know what each other was thinking most of the time, just a look. Have a good one Singo – skiing, Spanish bars and autobiographies about mirrors will never be the same. See you soon.

Speaking of home; here's to Oli anad Sac. The two blokes who decided to take the 26 hour flight home to watch Geelong win the flag and then return to London 25 hours later - good to see Channel 7 decided to give you a new story on it!!!! Olly on tour story.

Sac and Olly- to the left, to the left